People

After analyzing 30 million users worth of data Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, concluded that "people are vain, predictable, kind of stupid, and kind of racist...but they are also very nice, smart, and all the other things that are the opposite of those things. Basically, they're just very complex."

I too find people confusing, often times irritating, and sometimes absolutely wonderful. We are social animals that need to bond with others. Below are a few guiding principles in my pursuit for connection. 

  • Smart people talk about ideas, normal people talk about events, dumb people talk about people
    • A person is likely to mind their own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, a person takes their mind off their own meaningless affair by minding other people's business
  • When you treat people like children, you get children's work
  • Contrary to popular belief the human brain is not designed for thinking
  • People are terrible at predicting their hypothetical future behavior
  • You can't change the people around you but you can change the people around you
  • People are more scared of loss than they are motivated by gain
  • Have faith in those who claim to be searching for the truth, doubt those claiming to have found it
  • People who know what they are talking about don't need PowerPoints
  • The more convinced someone is that they're right, the less they probably know
    • There's a correlation between how open a person is to differing perspective and how much that person actually knows about any given subject
  • People want to do business with someone they like. If people like you, they're going to want to do business with you.
  • If weak ties do favors for us, they start to like us
  • People who can't trust, can't be trusted
  • If you say you'll do something and then don't, you will lose a person's trust. And it's really hard to win that back.
  • People will resent you if you always try to be right
  • Picking fights and holding grudges will make you miserable
  • The more you try to argue with someone else, the less likely you are to convince them of your perspective
  • There is always someone better than you
  • When someone asks "hey, how's it going?" They don't actually want to hear all of your problems.
  • It's not about you, so shut up and listen
  • It does not matter what you say, only what people hear
  • People buy why you do it, not what you do
  • The more you try to impress people, the less they'll be
  • How to like people
    • Assume it's their last day. Listen to them. Learn from them.
    • Be who you'd be when alone.
    • Make new friends
      • As you grow and change, old friends and family will be unintentionally invested in maintaining you as you were before.
      • Let go of people that don't welcome and encourage your change.
    • Avoid harming the relationship
      • For long-term relationship success, it's more effective than seeking the positive
      • A friendship that may take years to develop can be ruined by a single action
    • Act calm and kind regardless of how you feel
    • Don't try to change them.
      • Stop trying to change people who don't think hey have a problem
    • Find wisdom in your opponents
      • Really engage those who think opposite of you
      • You already know the ideas common on your side
    • Purge the vampires
      • Get rid of people that drain you, that don't make you feel good about yourself
      • They make you hate all people